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Friday, June 2nd, 2006

Subject:can't help thinking
Time:4:18 pm.
Mood: sad.
Why does moving on always have to be so hard for me?

i should be happy. i have a wonderful sister that just loves and adores me and has made me her toy.

i miss Shadow. it's been so long since i've seen her. i've only seen her twice since i became Lady Lana's. i know she was working alot and then her puter went down, but that was sooo long ago.

...Shakes head & wipes away the tears...and dd...everybody know how i feel about her...She's my big hurt. The scar on my heart runs long and deep. There isn't a day that goes by that i dont think of her and it still makes me cry. People have told me that the pain would go away and god knows i've tryed to move on. But nobody has ever made me feel like she did.i truly loved her ..still do but she doesn't see it...*sighs*

And Lady Lana....i miss her sooo much..not just as a domme but also as a friend. Someone i could just sit and talk to for hours about everything. W/we didn't really play all that much but there was so much more then just playing it was a closeness. i wont say i loved her but the potental for it to grow was there.

i feel so insecure sometimes....
i told 4Evr i was thinking of going back to LL. I know 4Evr has always wanted me back but...i can't help thinking...

Then LL found me and said she had been looking for me and wanted me and needed me... We both sat and cryed, missing each other. but to late....but i cant help thinking...

Yes 4Evr knew i was thinking of going back to LL & LL found me after i went back to 4Evr and her kitty.
do they want me because the other one wants me or has me?
Does anyone want me for me?

But i know kitty wants me and is so happy to have me...she keeps squeezing the stuffing out of me.
and i know that we play so nicely together *weg* but will i be able to go to her and just talk about all that bothers me? Will she beable to sooth me and keep me on the right track?
Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

Sunday, May 28th, 2006

Time:10:13 pm.
i saw 4 Evr was on most of the day. i so much wanted to push kitty over and climb up into her lap for some cuddling...but i wouldn't do that to sis. so just sat here instead didn't even say hi.
Comments: Read 3 orAdd Your Own.

Time:4:09 pm.
Mood: disappointed.
throws her glass across the room watching it shatter against the wall
Comments: Add Your Own.

Saturday, May 27th, 2006

Subject:So lonley...
Time:8:42 pm.
Mood: lonely.
It's going to hurt to see her new lil one..
just one more reasons to stay away from alt
Comments: Add Your Own.

Friday, May 26th, 2006

Time:9:09 pm.
but i do miss a nice soft comfy lap...*sighs*
anybody have a lap to rent lolololol
i think if i did find a nice lap i might get a little over rambunctious with my talons
Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:ginger bread girl
Time:8:52 pm.
Mood: amused.
Wiggles...
well that Mistress called me again today...to tell me she didn't collar anyone..think maybe she was just trying to see what my reaction might be? *grinzzzz*

I keep telling her she needs to get her IM up and running so we could talk on line...So today she's been trying to make a yahoo IM.

owwwww i dont know if i want to tell her. not all yahoo's i can get if they dont have a net passport lolololol.

chuckles ...ahhh but she can run as fast as she can she cant catch me i'm the ginger bread girl lolol. at the point i'm at i dont even know if i want to play with her r/t and i definatly know i dont want to be collared to her on line. but i do need r/t..*sighs*
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, May 25th, 2006

Subject:so done i'm getting burned
Time:8:23 pm.
Mood: bitchy.
so tiered worked 15 hrs today..
got home and tryed to colapse into bed but can't sleep.

wants a cigerrette lol

i've been talking to a domme. actualy we've been out to dinner and have seen each other a few times...no nothing happend ..bunch of dirty minds lol.
Well today she came to me and asked me what i want...i asked her what she meant. she said, i told her i didn't want to be collared on line and wanted to know if that was true. i asked her why she was asking she said she just wanted to make sure we where on the same page. That if she collared another i wouldn't be upset. i told her to go for it. no, i'm sooo done being collared on line. there's no one out there that can give me what i need...well there is one but thats not to be.
and i have meet her and even though we may play in r/l thats as far as it will go.
we have already had a few go rounds lol ...
she pinched my nipple and i slaped her hand away...lolol
and today i was having a real long day and i was cranky..while i was eating my lunch she called while i was in the resterant and started giving me shit..see last night she called and put me on hold ...and i can't waist my cell phone minetes thats my business so i hung up, Well while i was eating my lunch she calls (waisting my minutes again) and says she should hang up and never call again.
I said ohhh yea well go a head and hang up ..and i hung up lololol ...it wasn't 10 seconds before she was calling me again apoligising lololol.
hayyy just between me you and all of LJ...I DONT REMEMBER GIVING HER MY SUBMISSION.
and i might be submissive but she should still give me respect.

at the rate she's going i wont be giving her my submission either lol
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, May 22nd, 2006

Time:9:55 pm.
ok maybe i do need a domme to send me to bed lololol...
have been so bad staying up all night like a naughty lil kid *giggles*
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Time:8:21 pm.
i'm happy
i'm sad
i think i must be bi polar lol

so much, so much, so much is happening.

hard to pick some where to begin

business is great...have a new hotel and i just landed my first business account. so excited and nervious i've been walking on clouds all week. Had to wright up a contract..i've never done one before and was scared and asked for help from others in the business. Of course they all said yes but never did anything. so after the 3rd day i realised i had no choice and just did i myself....i must have done it right because i got it ...the next day they sent the retainer.

i'm finaly in a place that i feel safe to live...most things in my r/l are going good or at the very least getting much better.

I meet a r/t domme. shrugs...she's alright. i like her and we will probly play.. but thats all it will ever be. i think she would be way to controling and even tho i like being controled in bed, out of bed i'm very indepentant...i just went through to much to give it all up...i dont do dish pan hands lololol. the way i look at it i'll work and we can hire a house keeper lol.
We went to dinner the other night and she tryed to pinch my nipple and i slaped her hand away lololol owww that did not go over well *chuckles* she called me a SAM ...*smart ass masochist*.

Lady Lana did make her choice...
but it's ok i always knew that someday she would want another even though she promissed me there wouldn't be. i guess that goes with trust.. need i say more...hayyy i can't blame her...so many subs why should someone only have one when there are so many? a few weeks ago some people were afraid i was going to get hurt again. i told them not to worry how could i get a broken heart when it's was never whole to begin with? Maybe there where things in my past that where never talked about, why i needed to be the only one. shrug, but it dont matter. I've given up looking for a domme. hardly on alt anymore. once in a while to talk to one or two friends but thats it.

i have one more thing to say..
*as the tears well up in her eyes and over flow down her cheeks*
i'm happy and sad...happy because i started talking to someone again. sad because she doesn't have a clue what she means to me. she's with others not because she really cares about then but because she's lonley and needs someone...but the one that really loves her she wont give a second chance.
i dont know, it's been 6mos.people told me i would get over her. it would stop hurting.
it hasn't. i still miss her every single day. i still cry almost every day. She's the one that has always held my heart.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, May 15th, 2006

Subject:unloveible
Time:3:59 pm.
Mood: rejected.
walks in and throws her cup across the room ...
Watches it shatter into a hundred little pices like her heart...

....Why do i have to be so unlovible

.....Whats wrong with me
Comments: Read 5 orAdd Your Own.

Subject:two of everything
Time:12:09 am.
...*Sniffles*

Tryed to get on the ark but
they said they couldn't take me. That they wanted two of everything and couldn't find another like me.
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Sunday, May 14th, 2006

Subject:cold & wet...and not the good kind of wet either
Time:2:53 pm.
Mood: cold.
...*grabs her blankie and lil froggie and heads for higher ground*....

They built a ark in Boston harbor today and gathered two of everything...

..*pouts*..
But they forgot me
Comments: Read 25 orAdd Your Own.

Saturday, May 13th, 2006

Time:2:02 pm.
Mood: sad.
....*pulls out her blankies and little stuffed frog*...

*curls up in the blankies pulling them around her*

........*sighs*...............
Alone again.
gave back Lady Lana's collar.
It wasn't her falt. It was my desision.
She was a wonderfull Mistress, kind and understanding. And i'm sure her new lil one will be so lucky to have her.

as for me i've desided to stay alone i'm not going to be with anyone i think thats the way it's meant to be.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:sleepless nights
Time:12:19 am.
Mood: tired.
can't sleep...
tossing and turning...

*shrugs*
wipeing a tear from her eye

made one happy...made one sad
get one ..lose one

it's all the same unless your the one sad and lost
Comments: Read 4 orAdd Your Own.

Friday, May 12th, 2006

Time:6:19 pm.
Mood: sad.
We hurt each other...
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Wednesday, May 10th, 2006

Subject:i have to do
Time:3:29 pm.
Mood: disappointed.
Walks in carring a new coushion..
places it on the chair...

looks around and sighs...
i know this is something you want to do.
and this is something i have to do.

reaches behind her neck releasing the collar...places it carefully on the coushion.

Selinas_demon does sound good. best of luck to you all.

...turns around and slowly fades and *poof* LLanas_imp2tak is gone
Comments: Read 9 orAdd Your Own.

Monday, May 8th, 2006

Subject:not again
Time:8:17 pm.
Mood: depressed.
puts her head own and crys...

hayyy sis can i barrow your knife..never mind i found mine
Comments: Read 4 orAdd Your Own.

Sunday, May 7th, 2006

Subject:giggling hysterically
Time:5:38 pm.
Mood: devious.
giggles filling the last of the balloons...

...drags and pushes ...pushes and drags a box bigger then she is filled with balloons into the pain room when nobody is around..

....ties a rope around the box and hoists it up to the rafters...

...carefully sets it teetering off the edge of a rafter, so as the room fills with people the vibrations from all the noise will make the box tip spilling all the balloons filled with laughing gas down on the crowd...

...slides down one of the polls and quickly setting whoopee cushions on all the Masters and Mistress chairs...

now when they sit on the cushion and yell it will send the balloons flouting down on the crowd. Making all there subbies ROFL hysterically @ there Masters and Mistresses.....

giggles and scampers out of the room quickly before she's cought
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, May 4th, 2006

Subject:settled in
Time:8:17 pm.
Mood: happy.
Well i'm all settled into my new place.
Happy and comfy.

I'm all excited my company when live online today...i hope it brings the business i so much need. Things are getting better but i know that i need alot of better before next winter...i dont think i can survive another winter like the last one....i know i can't.

Mistress and i had a nice talk. i was feeling so neglected...to the point of taking a blow torch and setting all the dommes chairs on fire just to get attention...sorry all you dommes out there reading this ...yes it was me that set your chair on fire....snickers...but you will be happy to know Mistress has taken my matches and blow torch away...pouts
....hehehe but i still have my magnifying glass.
Even thou Mistress and i would talk for hours online it seemed she didn't want to play with me anymore. But she explained that it wasn't she didn't want to play just so much was going on in my life ...then when we get that straightend out her life goes wacky...but she still enjoys playing with me ...weg.

...pulls out her squirt gun and gets sis right between the eyes...giggles and runs off
Comments: Read 20 orAdd Your Own.

Wednesday, April 26th, 2006

Time:4:57 pm.
Mood: giddy.
passes back and forth anxiously...

Looks at the door then to her Mistress chair....

pace..
pace...
pace....

Back to the door...

Pace....
pace.....
pace......

Back to her Mistress chair

Sighs...
pouts....


jumps on the chair wiggling her butt in it trying to get comfy...
wiggles some more..

Leans back...squiggling...grumbles...
*sighs*

Looks at the door again....

jumps off the chair...

Passes around it a few times..stops and looks at the door again

Mutters something under her breath...
paces to the door opens it and peeks out into the hall...closes it leans back against it....hummmppppp crosses her arms and pouts

paces back to her Mistress chair...look over her shoulder with a big pouty lip...

jumps back into the chair..circles around in the seat before finally trying to settle her tushie down...

mumbles and grumbles...

tail flicking back and forth agitatedly...

kneels up in the chair ...circles around and around again....

>>>>hears the door creek open
....big open smile showing her full set of fangs...

....MISTRESS....your here!!!!!
<<jumps up and down happly in the chair
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

LiveJournal for pampered_pet.

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You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.