pampered_pet (pampered_pet) wrote,

can't help thinking

Why does moving on always have to be so hard for me?

i should be happy. i have a wonderful sister that just loves and adores me and has made me her toy.

i miss Shadow. it's been so long since i've seen her. i've only seen her twice since i became Lady Lana's. i know she was working alot and then her puter went down, but that was sooo long ago.

...Shakes head & wipes away the tears...and dd...everybody know how i feel about her...She's my big hurt. The scar on my heart runs long and deep. There isn't a day that goes by that i dont think of her and it still makes me cry. People have told me that the pain would go away and god knows i've tryed to move on. But nobody has ever made me feel like she did.i truly loved her ..still do but she doesn't see it...*sighs*

And Lady Lana....i miss her sooo much..not just as a domme but also as a friend. Someone i could just sit and talk to for hours about everything. W/we didn't really play all that much but there was so much more then just playing it was a closeness. i wont say i loved her but the potental for it to grow was there.

i feel so insecure sometimes....
i told 4Evr i was thinking of going back to LL. I know 4Evr has always wanted me back but...i can't help thinking...

Then LL found me and said she had been looking for me and wanted me and needed me... We both sat and cryed, missing each other. but to late....but i cant help thinking...

Yes 4Evr knew i was thinking of going back to LL & LL found me after i went back to 4Evr and her kitty.
do they want me because the other one wants me or has me?
Does anyone want me for me?

But i know kitty wants me and is so happy to have me...she keeps squeezing the stuffing out of me.
and i know that we play so nicely together *weg* but will i be able to go to her and just talk about all that bothers me? Will she beable to sooth me and keep me on the right track?
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